A Midsummer Day's nightmare!!

Another summer day! The only good thing is that the climate seems to be a bit more relaxed, compared to the past few days of scorching heat, when the temperature shot up more than a hundred Fahrenheit. A gush of pleasing breeze blows through my hair as i stand in my patio now. I look at the people on the street,.. some girls seem to be chilling out, with shopping bags in their hands, and their skin hardly covered . The UTD bus makes its everyday tour across the campus, carrying students to and from various places in the university and a small distance outside of it. I continue standing in my balcony, thinking of plans for the day. First thing that flashes in my mind is my lab work.. I need to code.. the errors in my Android program are calling me out aloud, to come and fix them. I then and there make a decision, that by tonight i should have the working code.

As i go back to the living room, my laptop awaits, with gmail, facebook and youtube being logged in. I try hard to look at some technical forums and make my code work, but hear a ping. Ah, a two minute break i think, which extends to half an hour!! Then lunch time.. Awww..got to cook :(. Delay that also, any constructive work is to be postponed! I stop doing everything for a moment and observe the show of things going on.

I feel like talking to someone..nobody seems to be free.. Its a weekday after all!
I am the only person who is so jobless.. or am i? No.. reality gnaws back at me.. i have so many things to do.. I work full time in this summer, and have two jobs to manage.. My part time dining job starts at 6 am the next morning. For the day to go on smoothly, i need a good nights' sleep so as to wake up at 5 in the morning, else the whole time goes in sleeping after being back from work. And before going to bed early, i have to stick to my decision of making my code work, which means i need to plunge into action right away instead of whiling away any more time. But I groan as the thought of works comes to my mind again. Why the heck am i so lethargic? Not cooking, not eating, not working! Any other thought of enjoyment, like going to a movie, watching videos, or even sleeping makes me feel guilty! But at the same time, am not working either! So hard to describe this situation! I bring the picture of my professor into my inner eye, who eagerly comes to the lab to see the progress on my project. I dont want to tell him anymore, that am still working on it, and i need some more time.. So many days have passed by..and am tired of telling the same thing over and over again. Yet, am so disgustingly stubborn to lift my buttocks, go to the lab and start working.

Some days are so packed.. Go directly from dining hall to the lab, with no time to even eat. I remember promising myself then, that given some more time, i shall make the best use of it..by finishing all my work, and then chilling out. But the work's still undone, how do i manage to even think of other enjoyment. Its bizzare.. I dont really while away time by either sleeping, or watching movies, or going out..but i do nothing constructive at home too. Sometimes, it gives me a feeling that i could have actually enjoyed and then only got back to work, instead of cribbing about guilt.

I finally decide i need to talk to someone to drift myself from this occasional feeling. Who else cares for you both through thick and thin? Parents of course. Ready to hear you whine..Give several alternatives although you dont listen to them, talk about how nothing can be achieved on an empty stomach, and hence advise you to give importance to eating well, staying healthy.. and the story goes on and on. One alternative caught my thought though. "Try going out somewhere with some friends...", my mom said.."You have never gone out of campus since months".. True, it was.. i had never stepped out of campus except for the barest minimum necessities of my existence here,(meaning grocery shopping.. to the same Walmart and Tom Thumb stores!!!). I try to recollect the last time i even took a train to go out a little further from the routine route that 883 takes! God, i dont even remember!

I then and there make a decision, that i will work whole of today, attend my dining job tomo, which would get over at 10:00 am and then be off to some place where i can find some change and comfort! The thought of going places excites me, given to the nature of being a go-getter. I start hunting for places of visit online. All these days, i was under the impression that Dallas is not a tourist place and there is nothing worth seeing. But Whoa!.. As i explore, i witness wonderful search results like Ripley's Believe it or not, Oklahoma's Turner Falls, Camping site at Arkansas, San Antonio's Sea world, ..all at a distance of a maximum of 3 to 4 hours by road.

I then and there make a decision again, that this being a long weekend(coz of July 4 celebrations), i must make it a worthy one by visiting some beautiful place and enjoying to the fullest. The thought of how most Americans enjoy their weekends, by working hard all week and relaxing completely on Saturday and Sunday fascinates me! I too want a change.. and this is the perfect time. Place can be decided, one out of the many i just saw..Car can be rented, to drive on .. But whom do i go with?Awwww.... Most fellow students of mine were in India, on vacation! Other people here are not that close to me. The ultimate goal of going on a trip should be enjoying in return to the money that we spend! Ah..I desperately wanted some good company now! Its might sound stupid, but i browse through my Facebook and GTalk friends' list,to look for people who can accompany me. No ideal candidate who is here and who would want to come could be found. Aaaaahhhhh! When there are no people to enjoy with, whats the use of planning!

I then and there make a decision not to while anymore time on this idea of going places and think about getting back to work again. Reality hits harder on my face this time. I can visualize Dr.Naurani's face when i fail to show him the output again! I sulk.., crib.., and whine.. again for having spent so much time planning something which ultimately ended up with no successful achievement. Its a biting real personification of Much ado about nothing! :( Why are there no friends around when i need them? Why am i so lethargic? Why is the day so boring? Why is it that i dont do anything inspite of having so much to do? Insane.. Eccentric.. Thats what i call myself as i step out to the kitchen with a final decision to feed myself and then start off with my lab work. Before i enter the kitchen, i urge to write this down since this is the only way i can communicate myself out and gain satisfaction thereof. I dont really know if this was also another half an hour of time spent worthlessly, but blogs are my method of giving way to pent up expressions held tightly within.

I strive now immediately to do something constructive for the remaining part of the day. Hoping to cook some delicious food, eat and run to the lab and get rid of all bugs in my code! As for the weekend..Back to square one..no plans! Will take it as it comes, or leave it for the Almighty to decide it for me :)